It’s Not You, It’s Him

You go on a date. You have an amazing time. You laugh, flirt, touch a little, maybe even kiss goodnight. Then silence. You stare at your phone for days, wondering what he’s thinking. Did you say something wrong? Did he think you’re not pretty? Did he think you weren’t smart enough? Should you have worn something different?

Here’s the thing. It’s not you, it’s him.

That comment you made about disliking seafood wasn’t the problem. And stop beating yourself up for wearing the red dress instead of the blue one. And dropping your fork was not the most embarrassing moment you’re blowing it up to be. The thing is, it’s not you, it’s him.

It’s that simple. You have no idea what’s going on with him. Maybe he realized it’s too soon after a breakup to date. Maybe he just didn’t feel a connection. Who knows?

Unfortunately, a lot of women have a tendency to blame things on themselves. But most of the time, if you don’t hear from someone after a date, it has little to do with you and everything to do with him.

Analyzing everything you said, did, or wore isn’t going to make the situation any better. It’s not going to make him call and it’s certainly not going to make you feel like the sexy, confident badass you are. So, just stop it.

So, he wasn’t feeling it. So what? Haven’t you ever been on a date with someone and discovered there wasn’t any chemistry? How would you like the other person to feel? Would you want them to freak out over every little thing that could have possibly turned you off? Would you want them to get all depressed and decide to quit dating?

Of course not. So, neither should you. Here are some ways to avoid blaming yourself when it’s not you and it’s him.

1: Don’t Get Attached To An Outcome.

If you meet someone and decide that he’s the one for you and put a ton of pressure on yourself to have an amazing date and it doesn’t work out, you’re going to be horribly disappointed.
It’s just a date. Going on a date with someone is not a lifetime commitment. Don’t attach yourself to what could happen. Just plan something that interests you, enjoy yourself, and see what happens.

2: Stay Present.

Focusing on the present is not easy. But if you can manage to stop wondering, “What if he asks me out again?” and “What if he’s the one?” and just enjoy the kayaking, wine tasting, or whatever you’re doing, you’ll be a lot less attached to an outcome.

3: Date a Lot.

In order to meet all kinds of people and discover what does and doesn’t work for you, you have to date a lot. Dating is fun and exciting, not to mention it will help you narrow your search to find the person who is awesomely perfect for you. The more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll get. And the less you’ll analyze things like, “Didn’t he like me?” “Why wouldn’t he hold my hand?” or “Will he call me again?”

4: Don’t take it personally

Never blame yourself for someone else’s actions. Most of the time, what people do and don’t do has very little to do with you. The key is to not take other people’s actions personally.
There’s someone for everyone. If you go on 100 dates before you meet that someone, that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It just means you had things to learn before you met the right someone. Just keep it moving and remember, it’s not you, it’s him.